Category Archives: Confidence Building for Adults

We’re Rebranding!

life - we're rebrandingLet’s face it, humans are complex! There’s SO much more to us than what you see on the outside – inside, we’re a whirling never-ending pool of emotions, feelings, thoughts, heart and soul. These things aren’t negative or unnecessary ‘things’ we have to deal with, hide and smother – they’re what make you, YOU! We ARE emotional. Our feelings DO take us on an exhilarating rollercoaster ride of ups and downs. Our thoughts CAN paint whatever story we want them to create – and this ALL leads us to be, do, think and act as we currently do.

And that’s what’s led me to this rebrand. Read More

The Beliefs You Hold True – Good or Bad?

We all have a set of beliefs that help define how we act and behave. This is like a rulebook for how we want to live, buried in our subconscious. Before we do anything, this rulebook is studied, to ensure that we remain true to this set of beliefs. But is this a good or bad thing?

Let’s look at a scenario. You’re having a light hearted conversation with someone, having a laugh and a joke, when something they say just ticks you off. It’s not a negative comment directed at you – it’s not even about you at all – but, for some reason, you are just plain mad at them. So, if it wasn’t about you or even aimed at you, why are you so annoyed?

What Beliefs Do

The answer lies in your beliefs. Whatever they said that annoyed you so much goes against one of your inner beliefs – it either caused a conflict with one of them or was seen as a perceived threat. When our beliefs are challenged, we go into protection mode. Our ability to think and respond clearly gets thrown out the window – and a lot of the time we’re not even aware of what these inner beliefs are!

How Beliefs Are Formed

Most of our belief structure has been developed over many of years; often since childhood, when we learnt how to do things by copying those people around us.

We may have been shouted at if we did something wrong. After happening a few times, our brain links doing wrong with being shouted at; it caused other people to be disappointed in us. This doesn’t feel nice, so we develop the belief that we cannot be wrong, we mustn’t be wrong. Every situation we find ourselves in whilst growing up, helps to create a belief from the judgements we make.

When we get older, we’re chatting to someone and we disagree with an opinion they’ve stated. As one of our beliefs is now ‘I mustn’t e wrong’, we now have a problem – either our opinion is right – or we are wrong. We don’t necessarily think that we might just be different – it becomes a battle to prove we are right.

So, Are Beliefs Good or Bad?

The truth is that we sometimes can be hanging on to old beliefs that no longer serve us. They may have helped us at an earlier point in our lives, but they’re causing us more damage than good now.

A belief should empower you, make you happy and define who you are. This positive kind of belief is good for you. If however, any of them make you feel restricted, heavy or unhappy – then they are old beliefs that you need to let go, as they are now bad for you, now longer needed and holding you back.

So What Can I Do?

Take the time to get to know what your beliefs are. As situations and events occur in your life, they will shape your beliefs – old and new. So take the time to review your beliefs (once or twice a year) and if a belief no longer serves you, choose to replace it with a new one. By ‘spring cleaning’ your belief structure you will ensure that your life stays positive and your beliefs stay good for you.

Self Confidence – Using Effective Communication

Communicating effectively can be difficult when you have low self confidence. It is easy to get tongue tied and embarrassed, especially when what you want to say is important to you. When you suffer from low self confidence it is easy to just stay on the sidelines, keeping your opinion to yourself, rather than risking making yourself the centre of everyone’s focus, however this will just result in an even lower level of self confidence.

self confidence & effective communicationHere are some quotes and borrowed wisdom from some well-known people, to help illustrate how to communicate clearly, make a better connection with other people and boost your self confidence as a result.

  • “To get your ideas across use small words, big ideas, and short sentences.” ~ John Henry Patterson
  • Keep it simple and don’t use jargon. Adjust your style according to who you are communicating with. Take responsibility by checking frequently that the other person understands the message you are trying to convey – don’t assume that your message is always clear.
  • “People who talk only of themselves think only of themselves.” ~ Dale Carnegie
  • Find out about the other person. Focus on the other person – their needs, their wants, their situation. Build rapport instead of barriers. Show respect for them and for their views.
  • “One of the most valuable things we can do to heal one another is listen to each other’s stories.” ~ Rebecca Falls
  • Giving someone space in which to talk and allowing them to follow through their ideas without fear of interruption is a most valuable gift. Listen. And switch off your mobile phone!
  • “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” ~ Stephen Covey
  • Be in the moment and give the speaker your full attention. Say “what else do you need to tell me about this?” Summarise key points that show you have been listening actively and ask questions that will help clarify your understanding of the issue.
  • “Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.” ~ Mother Teresa
  • Be nice! Acknowledge someone’s efforts and achievements, praise them, pay them a sincere compliment.

Start Small

Following on from the quotes and wisdom above, I would suggest you start small. Start by acknowledging someone else’s comment – you may just help boost their esteem; and it will certainly help your own self confidence!

Don’t Talk Your Self Confidence Down

It is also worth remembering to watch your self talk, as this can build or destroy your self confidence. Listen to what you are saying to yourself. Start replacing your negative inner talk with more positive affirmations, such as ‘my self confidence is growing stronger day by day’ or ‘I am a worthwhile person and my opinion deserves to be voiced’.

Treat Others With Respect

If you come across as someone with high self confidence, people will give you the same respect. This also works the other way, treat people with respect and they will think you have high self confidence. Take time to listen to what they are saying. Too often we are so worrying about looking or sounding stupid, we are not actually listening to the other person at all! So, take your self confidence out of your own spotlight and give other people your attention.

Given time, taking the advice I have given, along with that found in the quotes and wisdom within this article, your ability to communicate effectively will improve – and so will your self confidence.
photo credit: pedrosimoes7 via photo pin cc

Self Confidence and Value – How Do They Tie Together?

We all want to be happy, have high self confidence and esteem, and we all want to be valued – but what value do you really put on your self confidence and esteem – and are you valuing the right areas of your life?

self confidence & self worthPeople all around the world lead a life of routine. We work, live, have families, look forward to retirement and then pass away. We hang onto possessions, money and ideals and spend a lifetime looking for our ‘ideal’ life – but often we miss those simple opportunities that arise to boost our self confidence and add value and meaning to our lives.

Giving To Others

An easy way to boost your self confidence is to actually give to others. When we truly give to others, we produce a win-win result; the person we give to feels good and we feel good. These good feelings increase our positive thoughts and feelings – thus increasing our self confidence and esteem.

By changing our focus from what we want and moving it to how we can help others achieve what they want, we increase both our self confidence and self worth – and our own value increases as a result. We believe we have something of value to give – our time, our expertise and our skills – and this benefits both ourselves and the other person.

Change Your Focus

Our lives are often made miserable because of what we are focused on. Too often we are focused on what we don’t have, what’s missing in our life, and ensuring we get it before others do. Your self confidence however, can be dramatically increased through a simple change of focus. Most problems we face in life actually arise from having a wrong focus.

We all want the best for ourselves. We want the best job, we want comfort, we want satisfaction – but we often are so focused on what we want, we miss being grateful for what we actually already have.

Being grateful for those things you already have in your life opens you up to receiving more of what you want. Taking time to appreciate what you have, and being truly grateful for those things, adds value to your life – and your self confidence will increase too. This is because you are taking time to acknowledge that YOU achieved getting those things – you wanted something, you aimed for it and you believed you could get it – you have enough faith in your own abilities; enough belief and self confidence to get them.

Tolerance & Forgiveness

Learning to tolerate other people and forgive them for their mistakes will also lead you to a happier, more confident life. By treating others with the same respect you treat yourself with, you ensure the self confidence and worth of both the other person and yourself increase.

Part of respecting both others and yourself is accepting that everyone is different. They may have certain ways of doing things that isn’t the same as yours – and vice versa – however this is part of what makes that person unique. Learn to make allowances for this and learn to tolerate their little quirks, as they do yours – your self confidence will then flourish. If they make mistakes as a result, then let it slide – forgive them and move on. Equally important, learn to forgive yourself. If you slip up or make a mistake, forgive yourself and move on.

The value you place on yourself and your abilities is an important part of building your self confidence – and valuing other people and their abilities will enable you to boost both their self confidence and esteem – and yours too.

photo credit: Mukumbura via photo pin cc